Hi Julia, how's it going? Hope you and Jasper are well - though I'm sure you are. :-) First off, put me down for twenty quid for your sponsored run - and good luck with that! How do you want me to get it you?
Second off...I'm not sure really, I thought I might just blab for a while, tell you what I been up to the last five years since I left Dereham and got myself off to Unversity down Canterbury way, if that's alright with you. I quite like typing and I'd be interested meself to see what came out; s'not often you get to do something like that. Anyway, I guess the main thing was my relationship with Sara, which started a little over four years ago. I actually told you about her once - about a girl I'd met in Mexico and kinda had a very strong connection with, kinda fell "in love at first sight with" - and I guess I'd never got her out of my head (or heart). I'd also had dreams about her the summer before I moved to Dereham and then been to visit her later that year, and still felt loads of things, but she wasn't interested and I gave up on it; I started seeing another girl (or two!) while I was at uni and was thinking about having a proper girlfriend, but whenever I thought that I just thought of Sara. Finally I emailed her and told her all this, and asked her if she'd kill these thoughts for me 'cos they were driving me mad and - she didn't; she told me she thought we should have always had some sort of relationship since we met but fear or whatever had stopped her and, really, for me, that was that. A few months later I went over there, we "got together", had a long distance, two months together, four months apart relationship for a while and then, from about May '04 to a couple of months ago we were together all the time. We spent two months living in Beijing while she was on an internship there (she's a landscape architect) and also had a year in Canada while she finished her degree. After that we came back and lived in Canterbury.
The thing is, though, typing that, I realise that's all in the past. Hard to believe, but it is. 'Twas a good relationship, I suppose! And could so very easily have gone the way of marriage and kids - and not really that there was any reason to end it either. But Sara wasn't happy with one or two things - not even really big things - and I wasn't happy with her not being happy and I guess we couldn't see any way forward. Apart from that - a lovely girl! Lots of fun, great to talk with, very smart and emotionally savvy and together too - and pretty, of course. You think about these things and it's really very puzzling that we're not together, when so many people are searching for others, or in crappy and bad relationships, and you have two people who get on really well, communicate really well and don't really have any problems and...well, it's just very puzzling. And yet, it doesn't seem like the wrong thing at all, and I can't say I'm regretting it or feeling any particular heartbreak (even if I might be upset a little at times) so I guess that's really a big sign to myself. The thing is, I suppose, you never know what's around the corner, never know what's coming, and it only really makes sense in hindsight. Usually, I think, in the long term, it's something better...
That's not very specific is it? :-) I'm not sure I'm very good at that! The thing is, I know I changed so much being in that relationship, and being at uni, working, staying in one place, but I don't really remember the changes, or think about them - or even recognise them - it's more a case of just remembering who I am right now, and not how I got here, and remembering the things I've done. I do know, though, that uni was a dramatic thing for me, just the commitment and the having to stay in one place, and I definitely remember times when I had to fight really hard to stop myself from leaving, from just heading for somewhere fresh and new - just telling myself that, ultimately, it's all the same, wherever you go, and I'm glad I stuck it out. I think I had traumas at about regular three month intervals - until I got in my second year and then it all just subsided. Now, ever since, it doesn't bother me at all to stay in one place and I think I've really gone the opposite way, not really thinking about going to other places or needing to get away at all, and I think that's a really good thing.
The other great thing about uni was getting to study creative writing. So many people are doing degrees for their careers, or for their fortunes, and hating them, and I just felt so lucky to switch into something - because, for sure, religious studies wasn't working for me (too academic, too many 'eggheads') - that I really enjoyed, classes where you discussed other writers, learned and examined and understood the techniques - and then went away and made up your own stuff. I did courses on short stories and poetry and some courses that were just basically "write whatever you want" and it was just a dream degree. And I learned so much about writing, and found that I could do things that I'd never tried before, like writing fiction, or even writing a sonnet! I found it's all in there somewhere, I just never had a reason to get it out. Some day in the not too distant future I'd like to write a book - it's about 15% done - but not just yet. I might like to write some more short stories too.
I made some good friends down in Canterbury; some uni friends and also some town friends I mostly met through playing music and working at the local farmers' market selling cakes and cheese. I spent my first year there living in a caravan in this absolutely stunning beautiful woodland that I rented from an old guy for a fiver a week. It was about forty acres of rare trees from all over the world - like an arboretum - and he just wanted someone there as a kind of unofficial warden, a deterrent, I guess. No electric, no running water, no heat, just cooking out on the campfire everyday, chopping me own wood, fetching water - marvelous! Every Sunday I had a big fire and an almost equally big pot of soup and just told people, "I'll be there, soup'll be there, come if you want" and every Sunday various people would emerge through the trees at various hours of the day to sit and eat and have a laugh 'round the fire, and that was one of my favourite things while I was there. I never knew who was coming, and sometimes it was new faces, people I'd never met, but always a good time, always a real chilled time. Ah, there's nothing like that fire-cooked food, those burning logs, that smoke and night and flames! I think fondly of that time - as you can tell! - but I'm not sure I could go back to anything like that, too fond of a hot water on tap and keeping warm these days. Well, I am five years older...
I lived my second year in a house with some younger students; I wanted to be more sociable and interact with others more. That was challenging, but good - it got me to face up to a few things I couldn't have done otherwise, to tackle conflict head on, to not be avoiding things. And lots of fun too! (It was a kind of bohemian house). And after I'd learned all that it was time for me and Sara, China, and then Canada (where I worked for the government in an office!) and then back to Canterbury to finish my degree. I got me 2:1 in the end and after my little spell as a trainee teacher - oh my God, was that a hard job to do! - here I am, back in Yorkshire, working for Oxfam - loving that! - and girlfriendless and shacked up with my brother! Is that full circle or what? But probably right back where I should have been all along, close to family, educated, and doing something good - just a slightly roundabout way, I suppose. And you know what? It doesn't feel wrong. Any of it. And I say that because usually I have this sense of restlessness - especially when I've been in Wakefield before - but I can't say I have that now. Maybe because I'm older. Or maybe because I've done all the things I wanted to do, all the things I needed to do. Or maybe just because I'm back in the right place at the right time. Not sure really. In any case, that sure is a long email - and I'm not even sure I've said anything in there of value, of weight, but, hey, that's what comes. Sorry if it's too much - but that's the beauty of the written word, because you don't have to swallow the whole things all at once.
Right, I suppose I ought to go to bed now. I do hope you're good and not doing yourself any injuries with your strenuous training programme! Like I say, good luck with that - and, hey, if you want to write me back long and intricate then please be my guest. I know you've had a lot of stuff going on the last few years and I'd definitely be interested to hear about it from you - but I don't want to pry. I guess when a friend says they've had "the hardest time of their life" I do want to know, do want to be an ear for that, but at the same time I can understand why someone wouldn't want to share. I guess what I'm saying is, the door is open if you want to send some words my way.
So...have a good night or day (depending on what time it is that you get this far!) and maybe I'll talk to you soon.
All the best!
Rory
