Love Poem #9

If you've ever spent any time on Guardian Soulmates
As pretty much every single London-type person has
You'll very quickly realise
It's mainly the same thing
Over and over and over
"Beautiful awesome male
Seeks beautiful awesome female"
"Beautiful awesome female
Seeks beautiful awesome male"
When I realised that it made me want to bang some heads together
Dream up a system not so unlike Reverend Moon's Korean mass weddings
Find some Wise Old Soul
To take these
Beautiful Awesome People
And pair em up
Say
"You and you
You'll be good together
You'll have difficulties
You'll argue
Sure
But in the long run
If you stick at it
I promise you
You'll be good
You'll have fun
You'll love each other loads
You're beautiful and awesome!
Don't you see?
How could it not work out?
And anyway -
I'm wise and know the future and
You've got to trust that"
And then they'd nod
And pair up
And walk off hand in hand
Uncertain
Excited
Resolved to see it through
Just like in the good old days
When people tolerated one another's differences
And realised that being with someone only 98% perfect
Is still better than forever chopping and changing
And seeking things that don't exist
It's arranged marriage, basically
But arranged with an understanding of the two people involved
The Wise Old Soul KNOWING
That they will one day love each other massively
As Beautiful Awesome People
Are inevitably fated to do
If they just give of themselves a little
But, alas, there is no system like that
No Wise Old Soul
And so the singles go on searching
Beautiful Awesome People
Growing ever older
Always wanting somebody
Always people available with whom to make it work
But somehow never getting there
And the question is "why?"
Why in this world of so much choice
Do we so often
Fail to choose?
Shall we blame society?
Blame our freedoms?
Blame Old God Hollywood?
Forever commanding
"Thou shalt be perfect in body, mind and soul
Before thou canst be considered deserving
Of someone who finds you lovable"?
Or maybe blame our fears?
Blame the deep-down fears
That forever keep us searching
Not willing to lay ourselves bare
For instance -
I once met a man
Who wanted love more than anything
But every time it came knocking
He would always reach a stage where he had to admit
He was afraid of it
And the way he'd handle that
Was to decide that his lover was imperfect
And then go looking for another
He even wrote all that on his dating profile
Told the world
"I'm afraid of love
I'm afraid of the vulnerability
I'm afraid to get hurt
To hurt another
To reveal myself
To not be able to fulfill my promises"
"And I'm afraid of women
Of what they'll want from me
Afraid of mortgages and children's college fees
A mean-spirited boss
I'll be forced to work for
To pay for things I myself have realised
Aren't even that useful
But which I feel pressured to provide
For future non-existent children
That I may or may not have
With an unmet future woman
I may or may not meet"
"I just thought I'd better get all these things out front
Before we go on that date
So you know where I'm coming from
So you'll know why I blow hot and cold
Because the more I like you
The closer those things come
And the more I'll want to run away"
I paraphrase, of course
I can't remember exactly what he said
But I liked his honesty
Despite how daft it all sounded
But then it's hard being a single Londoner
In a world ruled over by Old God Hollywood
His pronouncements from up on high
Ringing in their ears
"Thou shalt never find someone to love
If thou aren't flaunting a six-pack!"
"Thou shalt never find someone to love
If thy income isn't enough to buy
A new iPhone for thy four-year-old
Every single year!"
"Thou shalt never find someone to love
If thou hast flaws and fears
And sometimes want to curl up in a ball
Moaning
'I can't do this'
'It's too much'
'I don't know what to do'"
"Thou shan't ever find someone to love
If thou aren't always funny
Don't have all the answers
Can't immediately figure out the way"
But, alas, the men I know
The men from Guardian Soulmates
Those Beautiful Awesome People
Fail to keep these commandments
And thus are doomed
By Old God Hollywood
To forever wander
The cold streets of Singledom
Looking
Searching
Wanting
Pleading
Chopping
Changing
Growing older and...
Alone
All those Beautiful Awesome People of their youth!
And then one day fifty-five
And life will never be the same again
Shame about those fears
That kept them from going for it
Shame about those moments
When they got caught at the crossroads
Of love and uncertainty
Felt their hearts spilling over
Became overwhelmed
By what they thought that meant
Unable to go on
Their fear of committing deeper
Their inability to express those feelings
For their fear of how the other would take it
They got stuck
They couldn't figure out what to do
And they never had the wisdom
To simply tell their other
"I don't know what to do"
Neither the wisdom
Nor the balls
For to do so would be to break the tenth commandment:
"Thou art a man and thou solvest all thy problems by doing things
And not knowing what to do is a sin"
But couldn't they simply say
"Dear God
I don't have all the answers
I only know what I'm feeling
And it's kind of hard for me
Can't I work it out with my other?"
Would that really be so bad?
Or is it too much against
"Thou shalt be easy-going at all times
And take responsibility for the whole world
And keep it all to thyself"?
Old God Hollywood
Thou art good
But sometimes I do feel
You've laid a heavy yoke
On my poor brothers' shoulders
And look where it's got them
No wonder they break the least of Thy commandments:
"Thou shalt not settle for second best
For to do so would be to avoid LOVE and GROWTH
And LOVE and GROWTH are the very purpose of life"
Phew
I'm glad none of this stuff is too much for me
Glad I've got it all sorted out
Know what I'm doing
Don't blow it
When I meet
Beautiful Awesome People