Love

Oh Lord, here we go again; you cross that line and suddenly your head is full of her, from morning to night – just as it was beforehand, actually – but now there’s pain and longing and wanting in there. How does that happen? With one so young? And why to me? I guess if I was less lonely…

Monday night I went to see her; it was sort of auspicious, with fireworks and feelings and it all seemed in the air, holding hands with ease, touches and looks, like a real couple. We kissed – the coin okayed it – and it was pretty good fun. We stayed up late and in the morning I awoke to find my body humping hers, pure physical-driven sex – I wasn’t even awake! – and good again too. Left feeling good…Tuesday, I went to Wakefield, managed without her, and yesterday…shades of the other open mic, disharmony with her and – man, I don’t like the way she teases so much! I want compliments and love and niceties! I want someone who touches my heart and loves me. I don’t think I have the heart/the security to deal with that…

I love you Perlilly! That’s so crazy! What do those words mean? Love – can I really say I love you? “I love you Sophie”? Is that true? It doesn’t seem to be – when I think of her, I feel tired, she bores me. Interested? No. And Perlilly? Wanting, seeking reassurance and attention and fun and sexies and compliments – is that love? Is that the difference? Who the fuck knows – and why even question it? What is love?
Ha! Just say “yes” or “no”.

Do you love Sophie? No.

Do you love Perlilly? Yes!

Yes, I’m sorry, but it’s true. Whether it’s right, or wrong, or sensible or mad, there it is. I’m in love with her.

Oh boy.