Ah, lover duvver, I don't know what got into me. I was just feeling so overwhelmed and deflated with everything and then when I got to work this morning I had like six old ladies and my one special needs person there trying to tell me every little thing under the sun, about their uncles' poodles and the conservatories and plaiting doll's hair and things from the sixties, and then my area manager was there - who could seriously waffle for England (or the solar system, if waffling ever goes inter-galactic) - and so there were even more of them just telling me everything which is normally just about tolerable, but today with all my own things in my head and then a thousand and one things to think about with the shop, and it all falling apart around me, right there in front of my boss (also thinking, shit, what evidence is there here of me sleeping here? - he had arrived unannounced) and it was all too much, I just wanted to run away, and so that's when I texted you aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhh!!! - right while he was waffling and my special needs was stuttering her boring and unintelligible stories that I'm always strangely compelled to listen to thinking I have to be nice - well, I am nice - but sometimes I'd wish she'd just hurry the hell up - or, even better, not bother at all - and I guess that (the aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhh!!!) made me feel somewhat better - plus I was hungry too - so then my Friday sub, and my bosses disappearance, and a little get-it-off-your-chest moan with my one non-old lady volunteer (I do still love the old ladies, by the way) and I guess that helped. And now I'm writing it all to you, in the hope that I can get it off my chest for proper - but also that it doesn't bring you down, since I'm glad you're enjoying this beautiful day and - oh, I wish I was out there too enjoying it and...oh, I don't know.
How are you, anyway? Are you all right? :-)
It's just, days like this I think, "man, I got to get my life in order," and, "man, I just wanna get the hell away from here," and, "man, I gotta do something different with my time - what the hell am I doing with myself!" and - well, I know that's only temporary, but that is how I feel right now - and often - and, sure, it's just a byproduct of feeling overwhelmed but - oh! I don't know what I'm saying anymore!
Hey, listen - I'm sorry for bending your ear; you're a nice girl; I just wanna say thanks for that.
Yours, depressingly, despairingly, yet somewhat ecstatic and amused beneath it all inside, realising the temporariness of it all, and knowing it will pass,
Rory
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