Dear Shawn, as a man who once had an amazing gift - and as a lost boy here who cries out desperately for help sometimes in this confusing life I live - please would you do me a reading explaining my relationship woes. I feel like I should get married. I feel like I've been an idiot for not doing so before. But then I always fret about it being with the right person, and there are so many who might fit that bill, and all of them have those stupid stories of "signs and synchronicities" to back them up. They clog my brain. Even right back to frickin' Grace, that Colorado supermarket girl, and Sophie who I'm pretty sure is gone but I can't let go of. Momma's prophecy still haunts me. I feel like - I say this half in jest - it's God's goddamned doing that I'm so confused so God should do something about it! It's not fair that His messengers tell me stuff like "there's a soulmate a-comin'" and then I have dreams and then it's still no clearer anyways. And so I come to you, as pretty much the only source I've ever trusted outside my own. Though I know how you feel about it, and hesitate to ask. But no asky, no getty, right? You can always say no; that's my reasoning.
I love you man. I wish we lived closer together. I trust whatever comes.
Big kisses!
Rory
(straight ones, by the way ;-)
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Hey brother,
Yesterday someone e-mailed me out of the blue and asked for a reading. I told him that I would think on it. I said that after all these years I am in a different head space and frankly, am rusty. It's got me thinking though, 2 requests in 2 days, perhaps I should try. I have had signs, thoughts & feelings lately about getting connected in such a way so as to be able to help people like I used to, but find myself resisting, that being said, doing this was never about me anyway. Maybe with a more detached mentality the readings would be less of a stressor. I have glanced at your blog but purposely not read it because in the back of my mind I think I knew this was going to happen and I didn't want to pollute a reading with mental information. Last night after e-mailing this fellow, after reading his words about how the reading changed his life, I thought outwards to whatever divine machinery cranks through the universe that if I'm supposed to be doing this, let me know. And here you are. Oh the great divine conspiracy and its contrived manipulations! Anyway, I asked for a sign and here it is. I probably need some time though. I make excuses for ways to avoid it, the overwhelming experience of being connected, but its all pretty much just avoidance techniques. There was a long while when things were really confusing. I was seeing shit I couldn't understand, I had the thought that maybe I was losing my mind. I had a hard time living between 2 worlds so I dove into myself and away from the phenomenon and actually found some realization and peace. Nevertheless I've been feeling a pull and have been fighting it. I guess it's time I stop fighting. I'll do what I can, as soon as I feel like I'm in the right space. It may be a while but I trust that when it happens it will be at the right time for you, I hope that's ok. Thanks for reading my rambling, this is stuff I never discuss with anyone. It's funny how things happen. In the mean time I will avoid your blog so it will be easier for me to do whatever it is I do. Thanks for being a cog in this strange machine! Love you brother and I wish we lived closer together too. In the meantime, endure and I'll see what happens on my end.
Love, Shawn
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My dearest Shawn, everything understood completely and I thank you so much for sharing it with me. Time is all yours. I support you in whatever you choose.
Also, I hope you're not crazy any more or, if you are, suffering with it too much. I know what feeling crazy feels like and it's not nice. God, I've been so mad. Seems like the last three months have been the hardest of my life and there were times I felt I would rather die than deal with everything that was coming up. But there's a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Lots of stuff about relationships and career. I need to knuckle down. I've been drifting and avoiding and I suddenly get a sense that life got real. Fuck, it's terrifying! But the only way out is through - no going back.
Anyways, you know how amazing I think that gift of yours, and how beneficial to the world too. I guess I never really appreciated the negative side of it for you, just thought it got you high like the healing did for me. But nobody wants you to suffer. Don't you just wish Momma was here to offer us some guidance and clarity on what she got us in to? Or are you okay with that?
Hope this finds you well.
Lots of love,
Rory
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