Happy Days

Yep, alles good. Socialised today - pretty much all day - and was in an uncommonly good and silly silly mood. Found it all easy, really. I wonder if this is the doing of the Mother? Two solid days of goodness and smiles basically ever since I wrote that letter. Wonder what else will come?

Jasmine? (for the record books - just another of those names that keeps popping into my head - which invariably come to mean something)

And...I'm sure I did want to write one more thing, but can't for the life of me remember what it was. Instead, I'll post that letter...

Dearest Mother Meera,

I’m writing to you because I once again feel that I need some help in my life. I really just don’t know what I’m doing, or where I’m supposed to be, or how I’m supposed to live. I’m always thinking about getting away, moving somewhere else, doing some other thing. I don’t seem to able to stick to any one thing – and I don’t seem able to find any one thing to stick to. I thought I wanted to be a writer – and I do sort of love that – but now I’m not so sure, I don’t feel that I have anything to write about. I once thought I wanted to be a school teacher, and I tried that, but the thought of going back to it scares me, it’s such a tough job in this day and age. I have a good brain, and I’m sure I could do just about anything – I just don’t know what. At times I long so much to devote myself to doing something good – but, again, I have no idea what. And when I’ve tried to do something good – teaching, raising money for charity – it just hasn’t worked out (I’ve become bogged down in paperwork and bureaucracy, which I hate). I trust you, Mother – I feel like I need some guidance. I feel like if someone like you could just tell me, go to this place, do this thing, be with these people, and stick at it, I would do it. But at the minute I just seem to be following my own whims and desires and it’s getting me nowhere, and I’m becoming rapidly disappointed with the way I’m living my life. I’m addicted to my computer. I don’t use the tools of how to live a good life I’ve been fortunate enough to receive. I once lived what I think of as a very intensely spiritual life – but various things caused me to take a break from that (heartache, a need to get grounded, to be more in the world) and though I’ve longed too to get back to that I just don’t know where to start. When I try to meditate I just think. Other things might feel good in the moment but don’t seem to provide anything lasting. God was once so close but know I don’t know where He is. I miss that. I feel like I once had so much to offer the world – and now I have nothing. If you could me in a certain direction, help me feeling like I’m doing the right thing, leading the right life, I would be so, so grateful. I really will do anything – but I need to have that feeling that it’s the right thing, the signs and inner-knowing that that’s where I’m supposed to be. And may I ask too for blessings on my relationship with Sophie, who I once believed and felt was ‘the one’ for me, but from whom I’ve become estranged. There are many times when I feel that I want her back, that we were fools to let it end, but at the moment she just won’t talk to me. I guess she’s not the one. But I’d love to know the truth of that too. I’d love to be able to know one way or another, and either move back towards her or let go, once and for all. Sometimes I think life is telling me that part of the answer to my problems is to find someone and settle down – but, again, I find it so difficult to make that decision, to feel that this person or that person is the person for me. Please be with me, Mother, and help me find my right path in life again.

With utmost love and gratitude,
Rory