Wednesday

I’m up at 8 and off to get a ride to work, and after much deliberation I’ve decided to tell them that when I got home yesterday I’d suddenly got an email asking me to write a book by the end of the month and, gee, I just don’t know what to do. I think I can work one day; or two weeks; or possibly the whole time and do both of them – but then what about the holiday? – but the guy (my hirer) is cool, and he says just work till the end of the week and then see what you think, I’m sure we’ll find someone else.

            So I’m happy with that.

            I get there and me and this other chap spend a few hours piling old computer monitors onto pallets; they’ve got this new business recycling computers, and they’ve got this warehouse there that is chockerblock full of computers and monitors and projectors and photocopiers and printers, some of them not that old but all of them just tossed aside and discarded, by businesses, by schools, by universities. There’s some awesome kit, and if I was into awesome kit I’d be sick to my stomach with desire. But I’m not, so that’s okay.

            Then it comes time to drive, and off I go to Croydon/Bromley, and it’s all rather nice, and I get some thinking time about my writing, and I’m feeling good about getting stuck in when I get home. I pick up a load of equipment from a special school, and get a decent sweat on carting it up stairs and loading it in, and then it’s back to Abingdon and done.

            Except…

            Except I think, I don’t like the route the satnav brought me on, I think I’ll see if there’s a better one. And there is – it’s only five minutes longer, but ten miles shorter, and avoids those narrow country roads that scare me so, and make me think I’m going to crash, which I am almost always am. And off I go.

            Except…

            Except that the traffic is horrid and what the hell have I done taking a route through Putney and Hammersmith and Richmond at this time of day when the schools are emptying and people are leaving work and isn’t London always like this anyway? Why didn’t I just take the country roads and get on the M25 and back. Slowly, my ETA creeps up from 5 o’clock, to 5.30, to 6, and it’s taking me half an hour to go five miles, and it’s all getting rather frustrating. Two hours to make the motorway. Two hours to go thirty miles when it should be less than two hours all the way. And now I’m getting a headache, and that just won’t do for later, not when I’ve got thirty-one days to write a book, and not when I’ve just decided to start the whole thing from scratch, mad as I am, but I’m sure I can do it. And at least I’ve made the motorway now…

            Except…

            Except I then clip a van and lose a bit of my wing mirror with a bang. Except I then drive into a pole in the parking lot of the service station where I’ve stopped to pee and lose the bumper and severely dent the side. Except I then do the same to the other side of the van, and all I can do is laugh and laugh because it’s just so ridiculous that I’ve only been in it four hours, and how he said, “look after it, it’s his baby,” and look what I’ve done. And sure I want to cry too. But mostly it’s just ridiculous.

            And back on the road again, wondering what I’ll say, and wondering if I’ll tell Perlilly, who’s waiting for me at home, after five days up in Leeds, and thinking how much it’ll cost me. Luckily, I don’t have to face the music until tomorrow, seeing as I was so late getting back. But what will I say? Sorry, I guess. I’m such a schmuck. And such a bad driver. I can barely believe how bad I am. And I’m sure you can’t too.

            And now I’m home and frazzled and headachey and nothing’s been done and that’s one less day I have to write a hundred thousand word book. And go on holiday. And sort out my life. I feel like I have too much going on, but really I don’t at all, I just lack the ability to focus. Ah well, it’s only your lifelong dream, eh?

            On a brighter note, Mrs H is recovered from her illness. She was sick in the stomach and had a migraine coming but I gave her a spot of ‘reiki’ this morning and she said she fell asleep for a couple of hours immediately after and then woke up feeling right as rain. Smashing! Although it could have just been a coincidence.