Went to see Batman the other night; strange film. There was a point, probably about two thirds through, when I was thinking, I’m loving this (I think it was just after the woman died and that other bloke got burned) – but then, by the end, I’d become so utterly confused and overwhelmed with all the myriad goings-on I’d forgotten all about liking it, couldn’t remember any of the good bits, and was just thinking, how the hell did this get out of the studios without somebody saying, man, we gotta cut this shit down. I mean, I’m no professional – I’ve recorded a few of Perlilly’s songs; I’m a fairly decent amateur producer – but surely there can’t be any argument that that film was about forty-five minutes too long, and that all that stuff about Two-Face, the hospitals, the ships was pure excess. Sure, they were good ideas – but, for God’s sake, just ‘cos you’ve got loads of good ideas doesn’t mean you should stick ‘em all in one film; kill your babies, you know what I mean? Shame, ‘cos like the last James Bond before it, what could have been a really good modern action movie was spoiled by endless dragging it on when a good, snappy climax woulda left people wanting more, and not looking at their watches slash falling asleep like I was. Oh well.
It seems like there’s a real revised trend in movies these days for dragging ‘em out/making ‘em long. I blame Lord of the Rings. Now I’ve only seen the first one of those and, man, was that a tiresome experience! I swear, I thought it was gonna end like seventeen times – and then on and on it went, and by the end of it I was just pure sick of the thing. Same deal with those insane – and insanely terrible – Pirates of The Caribbean films (although I don’t think I’ve seen the first one; at least not without falling asleep; I’m told that ones not too bad). But I’ve no idea how they were so successful, so bewildering and all over the shop were the plots. And so drawn out. And it’s not even that I’m averse to long films: my favourite film of all time (The Good, The Bad and The Ugly) is well over three hours long and I could probably watch that every week for the rest of my life without getting bored. But I just don’t think the modern film makers seem to know how to do it.
Maybe the problem is this: a film like TGTBTU is a slow-burner, beautifully shot, interspersed with brief moments of action; these modern films like The Dark Knight are pure action adventure thrillers – and it’s just too much to maintain that level of emotional excitement for two, two and a half hours. And then they just keep piling it on, and trying to get it to build and build, and…why doesn’t somebody just say, stop, save it for the sequel, enough already? At least that’s what I would do. And, interestingly enough, I read the other day that that’s exactly what Tim Burton did when he made the first two modern Batman films twenty years ago: the studios and scripts wanted more characters (Robin, Two-Face, etc) and he and his writers said, no, we’ve got plenty, anymore will just clutter it up, and they chucked it in the bin. Oh, if only for a bit of wisdom like that!
So, if it was me, I woulda ended with Harvey Dent just being a half-scarred, burned-up bloke – ooh, fodder for the sequel, we like that – and ditched all the hospital/ferry/hostages in masks, criminals as hostages crap (what the hell was that about?) and cut straight to the chase; ie, made for the showdown a damn sight faster than they did. Hard to believe that Rotten Tomato users have given it a rating of 94%. Blinded by the hype, and by the critical success of the first one? Probably. It’s just so hard to believe that so many people can get paid so much money to make a film like this, and nobody at anyone time goes, but it will be a thousand times better if we just ditch all that. Or maybe it was only when they’d finished shooting that they realised they’d shot a load of extraneous crap, by which time, hell, who’s gonna say, you know that fifty million dollars we spent blowing up hospitals, etcetera – well, it was sort of a waste ‘cos we’re cutting it all out?
The Mist, on the other hand: now there was a film I found surprisingly enjoyable, given that all anyone talked about was the ending. But I liked it the whole way through. Apart from the shoddy CGI in the tentacle bit. Teeth I thought was a hoot as well.
And that’s me doing my film critic bit. Cheers!
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