So Sunday's here and even though I've got to go to Wales right now – as in, I'm already three hours late – I still thought I'd try and maintain the discipline and put a little something online. And mainly what I think I want to say is how glad I am to be writing again, and how quickly I've noticed the improvement in my actual day-to-day life because of it. I don't know why but something happens – and it's not just because of the expression of thoughts, or even the wish-jar phenomenon, but something else besides. Something about how the sharing of the embarrassments of my actual life here, in front of you – and not even in front of real life friends – suddenly makes it all too real, and makes me want to let go of it. Like…I can confess my Risk-playing habits to my partner (now ex-) and to my closest friends, or talk about how much I want to do certain things, but it doesn't seem to change anything – and yet, here, it does. Maybe because this is me getting real in front of my self, in front of the universe. Or maybe someone else can come up with the answer...
The point is: I've had a good week! Suddenly I've done something good every day. Suddenly, I've barely done anything bad (eg, seven pointless hours of computer nonsense until dawn when I've got work in the morning). No, instead I've got myself out there, had a bit of greenery and some interaction – and only one game of Risk the whole week! Monday I went down this local lake and danced and sang a bit in the dark night and enjoyed that lots, and saw some people I haven't seen for years; Tuesday I spent the evening in a beautiful churchyard in Barwick-in-Elmet playing gee-tar and humming to myself; Wednesday I went off in the daytime for this massive walk just randomly exploring the countryside 'round Wakefield, and ended up in this stunning country park/golf course, with woods and a stream, and even the sound of no-cars, and all barely three miles from where I sit now! (and then I watched Liverpool lose in the Champions' League); Thursday I worked and then played football with this chap I may be getting together with, music-wise; and Friday I drove around a bit exploring and then went over to South Elmsall to see a good old chum I haven't seen in five years, and we stayed up till 2ish chatting and a jolly a good time it was indeed; and yesterday I spent with a lady (and this morning too!)
And that was my week – and maybe that's just a normal week for most people, but for me it ain't, and it actually took real effort – or, at least, remembrance – to do those social and nature things, and not stay in this habit where I've come in from work, slapped the computer on and then six hours later stumbled upstairs and fell asleep cursing myself for the wasted life that is t'internet and online gaming and all that other stuff that's actually worse than death when you think about it, because at least when you die there's some kind of movement, some kind of momentum, whereas after six hours of Risk there's absolutely nothing to show for it, and never could be, and all I've done is make a machine out of myself, detach the human and become something that could never grow in any way at all, if you know what I mean. So, in a nutshell, it was good, and better, and I do believe I owe it all to my writing here, and the strange alchemical process that takes place when I take my thoughts and experiences and transform them into black squiggles and shapes on a white background and press 'post'.
And now, I suppose, I really ought to go to Wales and have four days in the countryside, on a farm, getting away from all this and just digging whatever awaits me there. Ciao!
PS I had my car stereo nicked yesterday – and my immediate boss is really bugging me at the moment – so…I just thought I'd mention that, that's all, get it off my chest, etc. Can't say it didn't bring me down – I don't like hassles – but, hey ho, that's life I suppose! See ya!
But...PPS Myspace is wank! Why is it so bloody hard to post an entry!? Why does it change what I've written and add stupid things and refuse to do proper line breaks and alter the font sizes and make it look total pants. My God, how I'd love to earn a billion dollars by being this shoddy! I tell ya...
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