Anyways, I hope this finds you well. ;-)
So...I'm still in Leeds. Still procrastinating from writing. Still always dreaming of escapes. Canada and the US forever beckons - but then recently I had an interesting idea after I had what felt like an actual genuine vision, which ended with the word KORINTH big and massive in my brain. Didn't know what that was but got the old google out and turns out it's a ruined city in Greece, the town of St Paul and his Corinthians. So I started building ideas of a pilgrimage - have a nice long walk; why not? - and that's currently bubbling under. I dunno...I always have this idea of trying to make it being normal - but I just get so bored and useless and I don't seem to be able to make it around people. Too much of a misanthrope and weirdo. Too exacting and easily annoyed. I gots things wrong with my brain - you know the main problem with my last girlfriend? Lovely though she was in about a billion ways? She twirled her hair. Ha! Can you believe that?! Don't know why I'm such a perfectionist - though clever psychological people might put it down to feelings of inadequacy stemming from early formative years before a man could even crawl. Not sure I can argue with that. Such a strange, twisted life...
Lately I was thinking I wanted to die. Kind of bored and done with the whole place, ready for the next adventure. But I guess I still have one or two things left to achieve. Just would be nice if somebody told me what they were! I mean, the mystery is fun but - Christ! - it gets a bit confusing after a while. And so instead I just go to the supermarket and watch semi-lame movies in an effort to block out time while it ticks on and I make my way into the age of wrinkles and towards the time when I'll no longer be able to bed hot girls purely on the strength of whatever physical attractiveness I was lucky enough to be born with - and what will I do then?! (I say half-joking.)
God, it's an awful imposition to be putting emails upon you like this. Wouldn't it be grand if I could speak and type just like a normal person? ;-)
Anyways, probably what I should have done is have kids. Ain't nothin' better than that, eh? I've tried to be pretty careless with it lately - but even that don't seem to work. And so I'm once more all on my lonesome with a ton of time - still just earning my crust refereeing football - and a headful of mad thoughts and not much else besides.
Oh, if only you still did your angel channeling or weren't a million miles away. I still read some of those sometimes and am always amazed at the wisdom and clarity in them, the guidance I get from them. But what I wouldn't give for someone to just tell me, do this, go here, marry this woman.
But I guess that's half the problem. Cos another part of me remembers those certain teachings that say, but it's all up to you, man; it's whatever you want to do. And yet...if that's true, what of destiny and guidance, the impeccable timing and the words of the I Ching, which I still implicitly trust? Well I can't figure it out. I know it's supposed to be what's inside that counts. But boy do I have this wanderlust thing bad.
Lolz! I really was hoping that I could be at least four percent normal in this like first communicado in such a long time - but it really does seem beyond me. Then again, if anyone's gonna get it, it's you.
I love that you're out there, brother. The memories keep me going.
Hugs always,
Rory
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