Letters

Dear Rory, I've been watching you a long time and I feel kinda compelled to write as I think I know what your problem is – basically, you spend too much time on your own. You talk about dissatisfaction and that on here but I've seen you, moping about and wanting something different, and then the moment someone telephones you you're all happy and when they ask you how you are you say "great" – and you are, that is how you feel. At work, at play, in the company of others you're a very happy chappy, it's only when you get too much time on your hands and your mind starts to wander that you struggle. Sure, you could do better things with your time – eg, not use so much internet, not watch so much TV – but really it's just company you're lacking. I think you know it's true. The thing is, also, but for your misdemeanours in your relationship, and some misunderstandings, that wouldn't be an issue, you'd still be with your girlfriend. Plus, you two would probably be on your way to starting a family – and imagine how little time you'd have to ponder then, imagine how unimaginably different your life would be!
 I know, I know, you've got this "God thing", this "spiritual side" – but I think it's time to face facts: that you had that, but now it's a part of your past; that loads of people have some brief experience like that, and never taste it again, but keep it with them and find that it somehow enhances their lives without making it their everything; and that you use this as an excuse, as a crutch for wanting to escape the world, your life – ie, when dissatisfaction arises you somehow blame the world, blame the lack of spirituality in your life and want to run away from everything – yet in reality you do little about it. It's just moaning, just making excuses. You got a little too deep, a little too carried away with all that "wanting enlightenment, wanting God" stuff, and you're finding it really hard to let go of that, it's your comfort, and your way of avoiding criticism and commitment to the world. If you settle down, if you have a child, your life will be unrecognisable to the one it is now. Probably, that's where you're supposed to be. Little wonder that you feel something isn't right. I know you're afraid to commit – because, to you, commitment is a very real thing, to be taken seriously – but where you are now, you're just going round in circles. Remember, when you come to a fork in the road, take it. The thing is, though, there isn't even a fork where you are, there's just the roundabout you're stuck on and one imaginary and rather fanciful turnoff that doesn't actually exist.
    You need to go forward. You need to engage with life. You need to stop dwelling on the past, trying to recreate a life that can never be; you need to tell how it is, not how it was. You need to get real, and get ready for a little change. Stop moping about, stop with this complaining that you "miss God, blah blah blah" and accept the reality of who you are right now: just a fairly normal if fairly decent guy. Sure, you can do spiritual healings – loads of people can – and, sure, you have some awareness, some knowledge – loads of people do – but it's time to stop dwelling on that, be normal, get on with your life. Hell, maybe even go for a beer! (Just kidding.)

With love,
Your mystery friend (you know who I am)