Once upon a time I was somebody different; life was good, and I had great experiences. Then I decided I needed something more than that, to get my head sorted, to get ‘settled’ in some way – and here I am. As if by magic – a thing totally incomprehensible to the me I was a few years back – I find I’m living my life almost exclusively for material purposes, and (sometimes - today, for instance) hating it, and absolutely unable to think of anything better to do. My job is crap, my social/hobby/creative life non-existent, and I’m not even sure I like the country I’m living in. Then again, I’m not really sure I like it anywhere.
I find Canada surprisingly difficult, especially compared to how I felt when I was here three years ago, so at home, familiar, and comfortable. Maybe because I was out west – it is different there – but, the truth is, I’m wondering if myself and these dudes out here are even on the same planet. Oh, don’t get me wrong – they’re nice enough and all – but I do wonder whether our wavelengths really coincide.
My first month or so was hellish – I couldn’t get over how phoney everyone sounded, how superficial, or shallow, or whatever the hell that thing is that just kinda makes my skin crawl. I’ve tried to tell myself that it’s just me – that there’s nothing wrong with all the exaggerated “how are yous” and how everything is always just great – but I don’t think it’s that – I think there really is something weird about how so many people seem to believe things you tell them are “awesome”, without even stopping to find out what those things are.
Examples of this have arisen when people have asked me what I’m up to, and maybe I've told them that I'm at uni. Invariably they respond with an enthusiastic “awesome” or say “that's wonderful”, and leave it at that. I find this bemusing, since, on the whole, it’s neither awesome or wonderful, and I can’t understand why it never occurs to them that this might be the case, or to investigate it further with a simple question like, “what’s it like?” Similarly, I find this whole, constant, endless, maddening “how are you?” thing pretty ridiculous – though I have started to tell myself that it’s just the same as saying “hello”, and doesn’t really mean they’re asking how you are, or have any interest in an answer. Still, it is a little disturbing.
I’ve mused over all this a lot, and I think I’ve come up with some answers. Forgive me if they’re a massive and unfair generalisation, and totally missing the mark, but it is what it is. Here we go:
1. From an English perspective, all this stuff is pretty ridiculous and annoying, and is no doubt what has created the North American stereotype of superficiality – but I think it’s more than that. I think it’s not merely that people are being superficial – ie, merely presenting a shallow imitation of who they are – but that they really are that shallow – that they just don’t go down that far. I kind of tie this in with the civilisation over here being so young and inexperienced, while, in Europe, we’re all so old, and bored, having been around the block more than once, and tasted about all there is to taste, as things like 9/11 seem to have shown (ie, it wasn’t such a big deal back home because we’re used to that kind of thing, whereas it’s really a new experience for modern-day North Americans). To believe this, however, you kind of have to buy into the idea of a cultural collective consciousness, which I do.Poor old Canada! They love to pride themselves on not being as naughty as the Americans – but is that really something to be proud of, if that’s all you’ve got going for you? And they like to think themselves so different, and will become most irritable when presented with the merest suggestion that they are in anyway like the US – my girlfriend took mighty exception to my saying the countries were “linked”, which I thought was pretty impossible to refute, given a quick look at any map – but, let’s face it, oh Canada, there’s a great deal you share with those guys down there. You drive their cars, you watch their movies, you eat their fast food, your cities look like theirs – or ours, sometimes, a bit of a mix, really – and, horror of horrors, your children grow up watching their TV shows. Given that kids generally spend more time in the company of the TV than their parents, just who is that’s bringing up your future generations? And, truth be told, much as you love to hate the man, your newspapers probably wouldn’t have had much to talk about of late if it wasn’t for George W. Bush – but you do know he isn’t your president, don’t you? Still, I must admit, it is 'nicer' up here – if a little dull...
2. For Canadians especially, there’s a sense of not rocking the boat, of trying to have everything nice all the time, and of being ‘peace-makers’. There’s something in this, but, I’d say it’s more about avoiding conflicts, and not dealing with the harsh realities that life often throws up. Sometimes things are just shitty - and sometimes you do need to go to war. I don’t think they like that idea much, and so, even when things are a bit messed up, it’s still always “fine” on the surface. To me, this leads to shallowness, and denial, and the pretence of likeability. I must say, I find Canada a pretty cold and affectionless society, on the whole, even though the image projected is anything but. I think this comes from the denying of feelings, and even hostilities.
3. I don’t know why, but Canadians seem rather boring and bland, with not much to say for themselves. Maybe it’s the cold, or maybe it’s the overbearing spectre of their neighbour to the South – or maybe they are just naturally dull. I’ve heard other people say this, and I’m starting to believe it’s true. Then again, any country that can produce the wealth of cultural masterpieces that Canada has – in, say, art, or film, or music – can’t be all that bad.
Oh, for having grown up in a fascinating and wonderfully mad country like England! It really does spoil a chap…
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